sofie's live space.

song: enter the haggis - one last drink

yay. i'm back. maybe for the summer... because that's what it almost is.
i'm manic and have no filter or much self-control at the moment. so yay!

i guess there's not much going on.
i played my senior rectial recently... to a nearly empty room.
i havn't really had a moment to reflect on that DISASTER.... but here is a moment.
it hurt not many people came... but i'm pretty over it. (it's ok that it meant nothing to you. because it reflects on the fact that i mean nothing to those i love. thanks.)
to those that did come... i love you.
rest of you, i'm disappointed.
that recital meant a lot to me and for the people i care about and love to not be there was not a good feeling. so in true 'me' style, i'd like to ask you to please go feck yourselves. my playing reflected this disappointment. and seriously, don't expect me to even think about you when you're playing something that means remotely  special to you. i don't matter anyways, so what difference would it make?

i'm also done with four years at west chester... which means i'll be here another three semesters or so. wheee
today, i participated in the day of silence rally here. and we still have our drag show tonight. so excited!
also. steven pasquale's solo album comes out next week... which rocks.
and the best thing ever? i'm going to see enter the haggis next week on thursday. can we say *excited beyond belief*??? bagpipe rock = LIFE.
i'm just gonna go forget about life for a few hours... and it's going to be amazing.

i guess that's my entire blog here for the month. hooray and goodbye.

song: ryan scott oliver - a hypochondriac's song

i'm in love with this song. actually... with rso's work in general.
his website says he'll be in philly in january, so i might just have to go.

sooooo stuff this month.
- school's actually going WELL for once. i'm doing much better than i thought i'd be... perhaps i was panicking for nothing.
- almost done scheduling for semester #8.... happy with my schedule so far.
- diabolique was flipping awesome. and i swim with really hot people.
- fins is going well. i love being back in the water.
- i've decided on the direction i'm heading in for now.... since next semester's going to be an easy one... i plan on spending it getting stronger on a few instruments so that i can audition into grad schools for.... WOODWINDS! yes. that's what i want to spend my life doing.... being a reed player. i love being a reed player more than anything else musically.... and that's where i'm heading.
- my senior recital's coming up way too soon!
- orchestra concert went quite well.
- uhhh... i need to head to the rest of today now. lesson, exec, queersgiving, quartet, fins. long afternoon like usual. tomorrow is break finally.

song: duncan sheik - bite your tongue

i guess i just love duncan sheik... he's pretty awesome.


so things....

- PQT went well-ish?
- suk, not so great.
- the note (bam margera's establishment) is a pretty fierce place.
- rachel maddow is flipping awesome.
- it's almost friday.
- being 21 is pretty sweet.
- i'm almost officially apo.... a year later and after getting perfect scores on every test 2nd time thru, without reviewing anything but the scout law. hahaha
- i don't feel like writing this paper for dem & ed?
- i'm not feeling this make-up lesson tomorrow.
- i love that i'm actually doing good enough in classes that i can take a break for a day and still be ok.
- george bush hahahaha the end.
- the fact that dubya's picture right next to rachel maddow's gorgeous face distracts me from her commentary.
- even the first dog hates dubya!
- rachel maddow is quite ghey, that it makes me *lol*. and i like that.
- on the sad side... it sucks that she, like myself, is still a second-class citizen in this lovely country.
- OBAMA.
- democracy. like. the kind that lets me be stupid in public.
- i'm going to the 'hem on saturday... not because i want to... but because i miss my birdie. haha yea.
- gas is cheap again... because OBAMA.
- pqt = please quit trying.
- south park was flipping awesome last night.
- OBAMA.
- lsd reunion... not sure how i feel about it... it's here at such a weird time? i've been out of liberty nearly 4 years and have now just finally gotten back to swimming on a team i care about... and now this brand-spankin'-new pool is finally here and we're having an alumni swim meet.... it's exciting and weird and the sad thing is that bill ruth probably won't be back from colorado... and that freaking sucks because he was a fantasmic coach and i oddly miss him.

song: streets of dublinfrom a man of no importance

definetly one of my fave showtunes EVER.
it's a really in-your-face-be-happy-to-be-alive-OR-ELSE kind of song. and i love it.
i saw the show six years ago this week in 2002 during its very brief run, so i thought i'd post an entry in commemoration of that. ^_^
the show was also my introduction to oscar wilde and to steven pasquale... the latter, i've more than grown to adore because he is a brilliant performer and very versatile as a singer and actor. (and it doesn't hurt that laura benanti is ridiculously stunning!)
i don't really remember the show that well, but i do remember being impressed with steven pasquale at that age... hahaha
the first time i got hooked on 'rescue me', i was, like, 'where tf have i seen that guy before???' and then i realized who it was and i was, like, 'woah!' and now, i wish he'd sing on 'rescue me' because that'd be badazz. the fact that he can sing reeeeealllly well kind of ruined aliens vs predator for me too. :-)

not really much to update on other than that i hope i don't catch the plague that's going around the apt hahaha

the parentals did make my sunday a nightmare... but that's nothing new.
they kept criticizing me for not 'looking like a girl' and blahblahblah bullshittttt
i did speak up though... and told them they're hypocrites and bigots... and once i'm outta here i'm gonna go off and be a musician and they're really not going to hear much from me other than the *maybe* occaisional christmas card if they're lucky... as for the way i dress part.... i was like 'depends on your definition of gender.' and my dad FLIPPED and told me to grow up and stop having these 'childish' ideas in my mind about how i present myself and whatever. he told me that i was a woman and that i need to start acting and dressing like one.
he also flipped at my book for trans studies and asked what i was doing with 'such smut'.... he flipped even more when i said i was taking an independent study and that's why i was reading that textbook... so he asked 'why you do that? you're not one of those freaks.'
this is how i am... i don't really fit within the confines of the male/female gender system and don't really make it my point to do so (or waste the effort, for that matter). i don't think anyone really does because it's sooo pigeon-holing. and it's not 'some phase' either. i hate high heels 95% of the time. so the answer to when i will get out of this 'tomboy phase'?? not now at least. i love my coats and ties and baseball caps and beaters. so i guess that's most of the reason why i was all over the idea of this independent study when amy mentioned it.
i've hated dresses and skirts since i was first forced into one. there's this photo of me when i was like five in a sailor outfit and i've got a look of unhappiness on my face. all the photos of me in little dresses are not happy ones. but there's also this photo of me stealing my brother's trucks and toys and smiling. i remember being forced to go to church for the epitafio in middle school wearing stiletto  heels and a mini-skirt and a crap-ton of makeup and crying to go home all night because my feet hurt so bad and the skirt was making me feel awkward... and also being whipped with a belt in the bathroom of ayios nicolas' because my legs were not placed 'properly' in the WHORE outfit i was in. it bothers me thinking back to this stuff.
why should i have to dress 'like a woman' when i don't really feel comfortable playing that role by means of masquerading myself in tight clothing and makeup? why the hell does it make my parents uncomfortable when i go out to lunch with them wearing a nice pair of jeans with a pressed white shirt, vest and tie? i think my hair tied back was a little too much for them? i thought i was dressed really nicely today, actually. yea, i looked kind of 'boyish'.... but i took some effort into looking good.... and i didn't notice what i was wearing was 'boyish' until they mentioned it. and then i justified my appearance by saying that i have massive shoulders and big feet.... grrrrr playing into this stupid little game of how to be.... i hate that.... closets are stupid.
just because i'd rather chose a pair of chucks and a tie over high heels and a pearl necklace doesn't mean i'm any less of a person...
i just am. i don't take any effort to be. why should i? it's not necessary.

if they can't accept who i am, then they're not really worth my effort.

here's to another long-as-shizz week where i get nothing done and have a fantasmic time doing so!

ps: i'm writing ghetto-emo-crap again.
the faux-beau's gonna laugh at it too.

pss: just wanna throw out my frustration in getting nothing but 102% on my apo quizzes.
i havn't really taken the effort to study either... and that's bothering the hell outta me.